Many times we only hear about violenct relationships existing in marriage. This is not true; many violent relationships begin when two people are dating. A violent relationship consists of two people dealing with the issues of power and control in their relationship. One partner feels the need to be in constant control and will use physical and mental abuse to obtain this control. Many women in college relationships suffer from this abuse.
The Violence Against Women Prevention Program (VAWPP) educates students on this issue and other issues dealing with violence against women.

DID YOU KNOW:

Every 15 seconds a woman is beaten in our country (FBI statistics)

One out of five college students have reported at least one incidence of premarital abuse in their relationship, varying from slapping and hitting to more life threatening violence (Domestic Violence Prevention and Services)

Typically in 72-77% of the cases, violence occurs only after a couple has become seriously involved, rather than in the early, more casual, stages of dating (Angela Browne, When Battered Women Kill, New York: The Free Press, 1987, p.42)

51% of battered women in a shelter have been physically abused in a dating relationship (Claire Pedrick Cornell, Intimate Violence in Families, Newbury Park: Sage Publications, 1990, p.66)

Violence can occur in all kinds of relationships (heterosexual, gay, lesbian) and both women and men can be victims.

WARNING SIGNS FOR DATING VIOLENCE

Physical Controls:

1. Hitting, grabbing, kicking, choking, pushing
2. Breaking furniture or punching walls
3. Physical intimidation

1. Criticism, name calling, swearing, mocking, put downs, ridicule, accusations, blaming
2. Interrupting, changing topics, outshouting, not listening
3. Excessive jealousy and possessiveness
4. Threatening suicide

1. Sexual coercion
2. Accusations of "sleeping around"
3. Threats of violence towards her or her friends if she refuses to interact sexually with her partner
4. Coerced sexual contact; prior contact does not mean you do not have the right to refuse future sexual activity.

OTHER WARNING SIGNS

• Is there a scene if you express an opposite opinion?
• Are you the butt of humiliating jokes?
• Are you blamed whenever things go wrong, cursed at, called names?
• Does your partner have a Jekyl and Hyde personality?
• Do you "cover" or make excuses for your partner's behavior?

Facts About Abusive Relationships

• She may think she is the only person beaten; she may feel ashamed and blame herself for the abuse.
• She is often extremely isolated, nearly a prisoner. This isolation intensifies her emotional dependence on her partner.
• Her partner may have threatened to kill her or himself. The threat against your life is not to be taken lightly. Some partners have acted out these threats.
• She may be embarassed and afraid to tell people she is being hurt.
• If her partner has told her constantly that she is no good and worthless, she may begin to believe it.
• No one deserves to be hurt.

DOs AND DON'Ts IN TALKING ABOUT DATING VIOLENCE

DOs:

1. DO ask questions which will help her recognize what has happened to her and to identify it as abuse.
2. DO support her courage in asking for help and respect her limits.
3. DO help her recognize his excuses for abuse. He may blame alcohol. Tell her even though he may have a drinking problem, it isn't the alcohol that causes him to be violent.
4. DO relay the message that you are available for nonjudgemental support.
5. DO provide information on dynamics of abuse, typical patterns, and available resources (like the ones listed below).

   
   DON'Ts:

   1. DON'T assume she wants to break up with her partner or that you know what is best for her. This will only make her afraid of disappointing you. This kind of intimidation will only reinforce her role as a victim.
   2. DON'T ask her what she did to provoke him. This only reinforces feelings of self-blame and prevents her from expecting him to take responsibility.
   3. DON'T talk to them together. This will make her more fearful of opening up. Don't talk to him at all without her permission.
   4. DON'T assume violence is the totality of their relationship.
   
   

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   RESOURCES

   These resources are provided to stop violence through both education and assisting victims and survivors. All resources listed here are FREE and CONFIDENTIAL.

   ASSAULT CRISIS TEAM (486-4700)

   Nurse practitioners from the Women's Clinic are available to help survivors of sexual or physical assault. Hours: 8:30-4:30, M-F.

   WOMEN'S CENTER (486-4738)

   The Women's Center provides crisis intervention, information, advocacy, education and referrals.

   UCONN POLICE (911 for emergency or 486-4800 for routine calls)

   Female police officers are on call 24 hourse a day to assist in any problems that arise with you and your partner.

   STUDENT AFFAIRS (486-3428)

   Staff can help with academic problems that arise from being involved in an abusive relationship.

   DEPARTMENT OF RESIDENTIAL LIFE (486-3030)

   Staff can help with problems that can arise from being involved in an abusive relationship. Dating abuse survivors may also file an incident report with residential life staff.

   MENTAL HEALTH (486-4705)

   Trained counselors are available to deal with mental health issues which may arise after sexual, physical or emotional abuse. Support groups are also available.

   24 HOUR DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE (456-9476 Windham area, 774-8648 Danielson area)

   The hotline provides crisis counseling and helpful alternatives.

   
   

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   Click here to go to the Women's Center's Homepage.

   Click here to go to the Homepage of Marita McComiskey.

   Click here to go to the Women's Studies Homepage.

   Click here to go to UConn's Homepage.

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